I am not happy about it. To be honest DH and I are a touch uneasy about it all together.
Liam came to us from a disrupted adoptive placement. About a year and a half at this home, bonding with the parents, bonding with the brother in the home. The mother called Liams adoption worker and stated that she wasn't sure things were working out and that he just never "gets it" and then a couple of days later it came down to remove him now. He came here as an emergency foster placement. The mother did this all while the father was out of town. He had no idea the brother was at school and came home to no brother.
Now Liams worker asked if we were willing to let the father and brother, possibly the mother have another visit. Dh and I discussed it. We are torn. We believe it may be closure for Liam to be able to say goodbye. We also are worried after these months of work with him he will revert back to waiting to go back to live with his brother (no talk of the mom or dad). He may get confused by the whole thing.
Well we said we were willing to do one LAST visit to say goodbye. I am bitter about the way they handled things and how much they hurt this little guy! He isn't good enough for you so you "return him" then you want to say goodbye and open up wounds again?
I know bios are given the endless opportnities to screw a kid up but should a disrupted adoptive placement be given the same?
Pooey to the whole thing
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2 comments:
Hey there, Lurker coming out of lurkdom :-)
Do you think Liam needs closure? Does he still talk about his brother or is there every indication that he has moved on?
It strikes me as a very selfish request on behalf of his previous family. It sounds to me as if Dad and brother need the closure more than Liam does and it hardly seems fair to Liam.
My initial gut reaction is that this something that family needs to work out and it is NOT Liam's (or your) responsibility to take part in it...especially if Liam has healed and you think it would reopen wounds. Do you think he would even be able to understand the point of the visit?
I think if I were in that situation I might write the dad and brother a letter and send pictures to let them know he's OK and happy but I don't think I'd do a visit.
JM(not completely informed)O.
Melissa
I haven't been reading long, so don't know your whole story, but I've heard a lot about good-bye visits being a good thing. How about a therapeutic visit -- one supervisied by a therapist, who can help guide and direct (and protect from inappropriateness)?
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