Thursday, November 13, 2008

One many emotions

The word? Well that word would be termination. Our little Bear's mom has relapsed again. Bear has been with us almost 18 months (since he was 3 months old). This last slip up seems to be the straw that broke DSHS's back! So as torn as I am, sad because it will be one more child they have lost but happy because Bear will no longer be put through the mess any more and we of course want him to be part of our family forever. Ugh I hate caring about people sometimes. I feel for his mom, she has gone through a lot but she is not getting the help she needs.
You know too if we adopt Bear we will shut our home down. Having DSHS out of our lives will be nice too

Former foster kiddo

Out cutie little 5 year old is coming back next week. His dad needs to "take care of something" again so little man is coming back with us again. I am SO happy to be able to be a resource for him. He can at least be in a familiar place :)

Sunday, November 09, 2008

The girls

Well we have our homestudy in on the one girl out of CA. We have not heard anything yet but if we do well that means we are in the pool of potential parents for 'further consideration'.
the other girl was local, I got some further info on her and we were not scared away. Fetal Alcohol. Same stuff we deal with in Bear and the same effects with have with our AS. THAT we can deal with. It came out though she had some attachment difficulties. No way no how! After our experience with the two boys here RAD is NOT something I can deal with . I am in eternal awe of those who can deal with that though.

birth Moms

Well I have a rant and a rave today I suppose. Our foster son Bear is now 20 months we have had him 17 out of those 20 months. His plan has been RU and remained RU all of this time. I have been friendly with the parents, no reason not to. Birth Mom had a relapse and it upset me. She got back into the swing of things and I was proud. Now in the span of what a few months? It has happened again. Why? I mean she was doing so well. I suppose I know why....addiction is a powerful thing. Who wants to bet it will be months more of letting the birth parents "work their plan" ? But birth dad is doing well enough and has not relapsed. Maybe Bear has some hope right?

Our adopted son. His birth mom is living back in the area. She has a young daughter and we have been taking baby steps to form a relationship. We are now emailing and she seems to be pretty damned level headed. So more baby steps and we will see how things go and hopefully she will be ok with being a part of our extended family. We have welcomed her father (Matt's biological grandfather) as a part of our lives even before the adoption and told him we would love it if he continued to be a part of our lives. He was the stable force in our guys life when things were in turmoil for him.

OK so there you go my birth mom experiences for the week haha.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Time keeps marching

Well Dh is finally home. He has met our beautiful daughter. I will say she has him wrapped around her finger.
Our Bear....well parents are soon to head back to court and request overnight visits. Part of me is sad. Part of me is happy. I am hoping he goes back to his parents. Mom had her hmmm I guess I could say her lapse in judgement BUT she is back on the straight and narrow. They are accepting the fact that Bear has some sensory integration issues (that just came to light TODAY). they are good people who have not yet been able to get it together enough to parent one of their children. I think with our support as well as thier effort they may be able to do it this time!! Yeah yeah I am an optomist! So shoot me :p

We have out our homestudy in the ring to be considered for two little girls. Two separate children not a sibling group. I am hoping we hear back soon. Both seem like wonderful children though with their own issues of course. So now we wait. We would really like to adopt again.

Friday, September 26, 2008


Well the child is on the way... oh yeah OOPS it is a girl HAHA They had the info wrong apparently


Well I said yes to a late night weekend placement. All I know is I will have a 3 year old boy for the weekend. I tell you I get all the boys haha. I have never been in a position to say yes before. I liked being able to say sure this time. It is only for the weekend....but then again I have heard "just a few days" before. We are in month 16 with one of those few dayers haha
OK I am tired though and this kiddo isn't here yet. They need to hurry up or something :) I have soccer games tomorrow. And I will be much better with a few hours of sleep under my belt

Sunday, September 14, 2008

sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget that our 6 year old came from a 'not so wonderful past'. Yet today he reminded me twice.
We were talking about a friend of his. The topic of Dads came up and he asked about his birthdad (for the first time in a long time if ever). He said he hoped to see him sometime soon. I explained to him that his birthdad was still making choices that were not safe. He asked what his birthdad was doing. Since he knows (in a general sense) about drugs and excessive drinking. I explained he was still fighting his problems with those. And he said "how long has he faught them? Since he was a kid?" I said yes pretty much. He said he has to get tougher so he can win finally LOL that was great logic for him. After that he didn't ask more though.

Then I made a late dinner tonight. He came to me and said "there is a weird thing going on in my tummy!" I asked what he said "it is making noises! I think I am hungry. I have never had that feeling here before" It made me sad to think about the fact he has EVER felt hungy anywhere before.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Can you at least be happy?

Bear's therapies are going well. Up to three in home appointments a week. This past week has been filled with some significant gains. I try to tell the parents and I get a shrug. They say he isn't old enough to be evaluated and that he is just slow at developing. I understand developing at a different rate. But there are some HUGE red flags. I want them to share in my joy about their son but I don't see it happening.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Successes and doubts

In a year and a half of fostering I had my FIRST child return home to a parent. The 5 y/o left today to return home. I am so happy for him and his dad. I will miss him a lot though.
Bear... oh sweet Bear. Yes he is still here. Bio mom had a BIG bump in the road. it has created more feelings of distaste for 'the system' for me. Bear is now finally getting the help I have insisted he needs. After his assesment, therapies are in place. three in home appointments A WEEK. Oh man. But I am hopeful it helps. He is already making strides. The parents seem disinterested in the therapies or his milestones. Insisting it is too early for there to be any actual delays. Having raised a few children through this age/stage there is something wrong I can tell you he needs the extra assistance. A concern has been expressed about his RU since he is so bonded and used to many siblings. But we all know that will not get us too far. Recomendations only go so far unfortunately. I just wish that after 15+ months we knew where things were going *insert big sigh here*

Thursday, July 03, 2008

he is

a good enough kiddo. I will call him Cam. Well Cam is a cute kid. He is not overly affectionate and not too standoffish either. I got him to smile and laugh a few times. The poor guy really misses his dad. Dad made promises to the kiddo that he would be back hom by Friday. Seeing as how tomorrow is Friday and the shelter hearing isn't until Monday.....I forsee a meltdown. He has a visit with biomom toomorrow. The visit supervisor called me and she was genuinely concerned about how Cam was holding up and she let me know she would be here to pick him up tomorrow. I heard about how poor Cam used to be picked on and everything. Poor kiddo.
I am wondering if he will be bounced back next week or not. This was to be quite temporary but the more I hear... however the system does not cease to amaze me some times.

on another note I got the bios of a pair of girls who needed an adoptive placement. Wow so not a match for our family. It is hard though... to say no and never be sure what happens with them,

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

What is wrong with the system

A little boy is on his way here. He is 5 a little delayed but no problems (Time will tell if it is true ;) ) He has been in placement 4 times in the last year each time returned to his parents each time back in care. This time no different. When is enough enough?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I love that kid

We were in this horendous line the other day. I was chatting up the ladies in front of and behind me in line. Strange coinkydink our husbands are all in the same strike group and deployed togetherWeird how that happened. Anyway My 3 y/o made fast friends with the boy behind us (he was 4) in line. It was so cute they found some ants and the both got on the ground and looked at the ants chatting away like they had always known each other.
The other ladies commented on how the world we be such a better place if adults acted the way kids do when it comes to friendships.
We finally got out of there and DS and I were talking later and I asked if he had fun with his friend. He looked at me and said he had lots of fun with his BROTHER hahaha. Foster care has made it to where every boy is his brother now :) I think it is cute

Sunday, May 11, 2008

For you mothers

No matter how you came about being a mother. If they are your birth, adopted, foster or fur babies...or heck even a signifigant other who acts like a child.... haha HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Thursday, May 08, 2008

to clarify

especially for those who like to be rude to further their agenda and website. NO I am not mentally unstable, a bit off as we all are, but not unstable. No I have not accidently breastfed a foster child nor would I ever. With a newborn and the late night feedings the half asleep mind does play tricks on you. That was the point of the post.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

you know you are a foster parent when..

In the middle of the night in a half conscious state when you go to breastfeed your own daughter and you get a momentary panic thought of "OMG why am I breastfeeding my foster child" It is that sleep confusion...a double confusion hahah sleepy thinking I was sleepy trying to breastfeed a foster oy all too confusing

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

it only took a year (almost)

Well Bear is just one month shy of being here a year. Actually him and Liam both (they arrived w/in a couple of days of each other). Finally after months of half-assing through their case plan. Mom and dad of Bear seem to be pulling it together. Right before the state was set to file the TPR papers @ 12 months. BUT they ARE doing their services and he may go back with them. It will not be for another 6 months probably. And this is only IF they stay on track in getting their services completed. BUT the fact is that while I am happy for their family I am sad for ours.
A lot can happen in six months though. I am actually rooting for this family. I have been through most of it. With the occasional DO SOMETHING frustration. Getting 'down to' five chilren will be nice but as weird as it sounds it will be rather empty here.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Less than a year

It has been less than a year since our adoptive placement came to live with us. He knew little. Not his alphabet, counting to 10 was not something he could do, he couldn't spell his name etc. Here we are 10 months later......He can count until we tell him to stop he will count FOREVER if we let him haha. He knows his alphabet, he can spell and write his whole name and he is beginning to READ!!! You have no idea how proud of him I am!
He has started to expand his horizons when it comes to eating different foods. He eats a variety of fruits and veggies now. he knows that dinner doesn't come from the freezer and veggies don't come from only a can.
It is amazing the strides that a child can make in such a short time.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

She's back

Well my sons birthmom is back in town. She was back East in jail. Got out, moved closer, which was still a bit close. Then I learned she moved again back into our area. A bit too close in some respects. I haven't had to deal with this through the whole process the bio dad was in jail popped into the picture for a total of one phone call to the adoption worker and dropped into the abyss again. The bio mom, well not much from her except the one letter and heck it was nice enough. What happens when she asks to see him? Or 'happens' to go by her fathers house (we allow him and our son to have visits). This kid is FINALLY gatting over, more finally coping with the trauma of losing his last foster adopt family.
I will sit back and wait to see what she does for now. I gauge my next step. She still has her daughter with her which is a positive. I may get to the point where I will meet her for coffee or soething one day. I have a positive relationship with my foster sons mother. I hope I can eventually have the same with her right? Eventually

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

RSV headache

apparently as soon as I dropped him off Bear started to get sick. Apparently he got fairly sick fairly quick and ultimately ended up with the diagnosis of RSV. So he was out of our home an extra week. The boy STILL sounds like death warmed over. ALL of the boys in the house got some upper respiratory thing last week. So I think it is simply 'going around'.
I am praying our newborn escapes getting it. I can hope the miracle of breastfeeding will shine through and she will get all the immunities she needs.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

See you all soon

As I have been boring everyone with on Gina's Ramblings, our baby will be arriving very soon. As in tomorrow.
I got respite care for Bear set up early (I love how much she works with me on this!) So Ihave to pack his bag today. I packed DH's bag for his deployment last night. Yeah do the mental math there... even early he will miss the birth of his daughter. LeSigh

She's got Leeeeeegggsssss and

she knows how to sell them. You all have heard me chat about my friend Baggage and her adventures, misadventures? haha in foster care and adoption. Well she is running a contest on her site to promote BugLegs
You can check out my post about it on Gina's Ramblings

Monday, March 10, 2008

Oh Mav

The placement they found for him was a temporary placement on a trial basis. It didn't last the weekend before they called to have him removed. Dangit!!! It is so upsetting for me.
Mav's football coach, we know he was a co-worker of DH's. We got him and Mav back together, he is a great mentor. He may be staying there for awhile with his coach. But this whole thing has me ticked off. I hate that it feels like I failed him. And now it seems like it is the beginning for the 'follow the bouncing ball' bouncing of foster placements!
I am angry at the system, angry at family situations and family actions all around. How much of this could have been avoided LONG LONG ago had the first parent done things closer to right you know? The system fails these kids. Heck Mavs coach could have been involved from the DAY Mav was removed but no one returned his call!! We were the third placement he blew through his fourth placement in a couple of days.
I am glad we know these people and glad that we offered to stay in touch. We talked to the new possible placements as friends and were brutally honest. We encouraged them to read up on RAD. they know us our parenting styles and our children. So I hope they take it all seriously.

Friday, March 07, 2008

And we have

a phone call. they asked for US to drop him off at the office. I am thrilled. BUT he has a placement and will be there tonight.
It is a load off of my mind

Does anyone

do their job anymore?!!?!
I gave workers notice a month ago to have Mav moved. We were all clear on that understanding. The child has been expelled from school. He is home he is anxious, he KNOWS he is set to move and is OK with it. Sad because the boys here are his friends but OK with itbecause I did tell him that he s welcome to keep in touch at all times. But the dang workers on this one dropped the ball. There is no home set up. They asked yesterday for more time NO. I am due to have a husband deploy, company arrive and have a baby all within the next couple of weeks! I need the brief time to get stuff ready.
There was supposed to be a visit yesterday. No one showed up to pick him up. No phone call NOTHING. They all knew they were going to cancel they just didn't bother telling him nor I. This is all great for a kid who thinks all social workers are idiots as it is... They are not trying to disprove his theor are they?
So anyway. He is here, stuff packed and wondering if they "forgot about him again". If I could get a phone call returned I would be golden. Maybe I should show up to the office with him in tow?

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I have been told

to just not care at this point. But I do. Part of my save the world stuff. Mav, who will be moved in 2 days was EXPELLED from school today. Not suspended expelled! I won't go into the details but it is very RADish and a reason we wanted him moved. I actually want to take partial blame because of us moving him etc. UGH I wish I could turn off the care.

Sunday, March 02, 2008


I called Bears biomom today we chatted about his upcoming year check-up. I told her when and where it is so she can come if she wanted to. We talked a bit and she asked if I was expecting a baby soon. I told her yes the 18th. She was so happy and even happier when I told her Bear was staying here ;)
We chatted a bit about him and his birthday (tomorrow) and what I got him. I was able to find Yupik childrens books for him. She was in shock that A: they made them and B: I took the time to find them :) She said how happy she is that I am doing those things for him.....
She later asked if I was willing to be a permanant resource for him! She says she is still trying to get him back but if she doesn't she wants to know if we would keep him. Yeah chew on that one. Knocked me on my butt :)
She thanked me again for the picture and all. They love it.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Mav... well he has had more good days. Bu still the same power struggles and the same lying about little things to attempt to skew any situation.

Bear...well the little guy turns one on Monday!! We went this past weekend to take pictures (a family tradition). I had one framed to give to his parents. The supervisor took it today to the vist. All of my fears of them thinking it is corny were put to rest! They LOVED it :) They oohed and ahhed over it for awhile and just plain liked it :) He came home from the visit exhausted and VERY grumpy as usual so he went to be right after dinner...technically he fell asleep DURING dinner but you get the point. Well starting tomorrow I have a parade of visits from social workers. This is amidst the parade of doctors I see on a weekly basis... I feel QUITE popular

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Another week

Mav will be moved within the next week or week and ahalf. During the meeting the adoptive parents (this is a screwy situation trust me) and I were echoing each other and agreeing about behaviors and such. We ALL suspect RAD. The parents were ALSO not told things that should have been disclosed.
We both got in our displeasure about placement and workers not giving enough information to help US as parents give these children the help and support they need. In my short time I have a list of complaints about the system THIS is a BIG one.
Anyway I insisted that this boy be moved prior to my husband deploying period. He is SO different without a male role model present. But since I cannot give them a date, It is a matter of "this is when he has to leave"

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

She is GOOD

Today, I got Liams birth certificate in the mail!!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

I forgot

It is about time but I called the wonderfully patient and kind lady who processes the birth certificates for adoptions in the state (she even gave me her direct number awhile back so I could call to check the status with her) she said..... "Oh hmm I remember him I have been looking for Liams paperwork since we last talked. Let me look for his papers in the incoming mail I just got. Nope not there, ok one last pile... Here it is!! I will move it to the top and process it after the ones I am currently processing" WOOOHOOO She even wondered what took the county so darn long to gether the papers. But for SSN purposes and military medical and passport etc she will'expidite her part as much as possible.
There are nice people out there. I am just happy the papers did show up I was getting worried a little

visit canceled

Yup another one. This time I am not upset about because I cancelled it :p Yeah we all have that crud that is going around. that congestion and cough. One of those things that we are told to let "run it's course" Since the youngers are getting better, I am not nervous about treating with a vaporizer and fluids and rest.
Me on the other hand.... Well the third tirmester...heck last MONTH of pregnancy plus coughing do NOT mix!! Bad enough I have to cross my legs when I sneeze but come on people this is outrageous!! Now that you all know a bit too much about my bladder I will leave you with those interesting visuals :)

Monday, February 04, 2008

I knew it

I had a meeting with Mav's social worker today. I expressed my concerns about his hbehavior and how at this point I cannot handle it. That fostering outside of my age range was a VERY bad idea (on my part) and I am better equipped for younger children.
Well one of my fears was false allegations with his RAD and the stories he told me about others.... Well apparently we are not feeding him. the social worker said I am NOT accusing you. I SEE how many snack foods alone you have out for the kids I have seen a dinner here, but I have to ask. Yeah We feed him duh if I didn't feed kids I could save a LOT of money!! lol
I am glad I am having him moved I CANNOT open myself up to another false allegation.


Yes it is highly possible since the tribe has shown interest they can take the baby and place him with a tribal family. There are siblings involved too. The biomom tried to get her 2 (or 3) year old placed with us too (I didn't know until after) but that little one went to a tribal family as well. They were fine with the baby being here when I comtacted them in June. But now that things are going in the direction of TPR they want to step in. Since the tribe is in another state I am not sure they CAN take anything over until the case goes to adoption. I suppose there is a slight chance things will go our way, but I am not going to count my chickens you know?
We are willing to take trips every other year to his tribal state where his siblings are. We already do a lot culturally (we did things before he got here but we are like that and find cultural events fun). We will see. I will enjoy him while we have him. He is a true joy everyone who sees him comments how his smile lights up a room.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Family is OUT!! Tribe is in :(

Well I contacted Bears Tribe when he first come to us. They wanted nothing to do with Mom nothing to do with the baby really but thatnked me for caring about the culture etc etc. NOW Thr tribe is coming in. It is almost NEVER good when that happens! So I will not count on keeping him :( This state has to investigate those placements. But with ICWA I am less than secondary when it comes to priority to keep him. Teach me to be 'just' white and a loving mom. UGH It makes me sad
Bio dad wants to relinquish! Get that! But because of the tribe.... I have little to no standing. UGH

Friday, January 25, 2008


Today in the mail I got two license exemptions to increase my capacity. Great right? Well these ere exemptions from JUNE! Haha yeah they are more than expired considering one was for 2 days and one was for 10 days. Well at least I got the paperwork right??

Other news. Bear will be staying! Not sure how long. Time is ticking for his parents.....we are approaching month 8 here soon and the state has moved RU to secondary at this point. Family that was supposed to take bear? Well nothing from them yet who knows. It has been months for them too. DH and I had some heart to hearts about this and well we want him to stay. The social worker was moving him because she thought me telling her I was pregnant was my way of saying I wanted him gone. not the case. So I am glad I pursued it. She is glad I did too she would rather he stay here!

Friday, January 18, 2008

And there it is RAD

Not nearly as rad as thing were when I used that as a word as a kid. But RAD is a bad bad word now. Mav ahh he is a good kid. But honestly his life has been so screwed up I can see why he is in this state. I started seeing the little white lies. Then the manipulation. Then he started to emotionaly terrorize the little kids. There IS no other way to put it honestly. He is relentless. Now the stealing items has started. Nothing he can use either. But the 9 y/o's glasses... his books things from the 6 y/o. Yeah you see the pattern right? younger=target to him.
Last night he up and pinched the 9 y/o hard enough to leave a welt that night and then a bruise later :(
He has crossed a line I can not allow to continue. I will not ever allow my children to live in fear. So today the ground rules will AGAIN be put down. He needs to respect others and the property of others. He has two weeks to make an improvement. Yes I have to set a time limit. I am here 8 months pregnant and I cannot handle the daily stress of his games and the torture the kids must feel.
I have however sworn off older kids. I know I know 'but you cannot judge them all on two experiences' Once he is gone, I will ONLY take younger kids. period.
We were lied to , umm misinformed, about his status by being told he was legally free. There is no chance of adoption. He knows this, we now know this. BUT he, during his visits is holding it over his parents heads that we are his mom and dad and we will adopt him yadda yadda. Manipulation again

Friday, January 11, 2008

Did I mention??

That our 6 year olds biomom had another child in November. A little girl. I was hoping that she ould have her stuff together and keep it that way. Nope she is now in jail again (in another state). The baby girl is now with her grandmother. BUT I mentioned to her dad (who we also adopted and he is near us) that if things go the same way as the 6y/o that we would be open to taking in the little girl too. I also contacted the 6 y/o's adoption worker. I HOPE it doesn't come to this girl ending up in the system and it being dragged out for entirely too long.
People, I will never understand them and the way they think

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bear and Mav

Update on Bear move to relatives... Well they haven't done anything! No turning in background checks or fingerprint or anything! Seriously?!?!?!! If this were my relative I would jump through the hoops in an expidited manner you know? Not sit on the paperwork for a few months and not return phone calls. I am not very confident this will follow through. The bad thing is he will probably be moved anyway!!! I have the his worker know he is not a burden I have a support system and he will be cared for after I have the baby BUT we will see how things go I suppose. UGH
Mav, he got to see his adoptive mom and dad today!!!! I know I am excited. I was lied to or maybe ahem misinformed (insert rolling eyes here) Mav is NOT legally free for adoption. I thought so based on things I had learned but there is no doubt. DO NOT get me wrong I want this boy back where he feels comfortale with his parents. He has had enough disruption in his life. He had a good visit and he was happy to see them again. Maybe things will move quickly for his return home? Eh that is hoping a bit much for the system though

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

"ringing" in the New Year

Nah nothing like that. I am surly not a drinker ESPECIALLY not now. However my phone rings at 2:45 am. It was after hours placement asking if we could take in an 8y/o girl. I had to say no. We simply to not have the space to accomodate a girl (to county standards) at this point. Is it bad to say I was surprised to ONLY get the one phone call over the holidays?