not pretty but petty. I am reading this letter over and over again. I guess I am just trying to get a feel for the tone. everytime I read it I read it in a different tone. You know what bothers me? she refers to him as 'my son' several times in the letter. I know he is not my biological son. DUH He IS her son. But with they only thing I know about her, what I have read, I KNOW what she did and didn't do. I also know of course the file isn't going to be written in an objective way either.
Why did I get mad that she refers to him as her son?? like I said he is. I have had him since this year only. but I still feel hurt someone else referred to him as 'my son' that is what I do. I need to stop being petty and get over myself. I think I also find it odd she never refers to him by his name. Is she attempting to do a little bit of a disconnect?
DH is leaving the whole decision about contact up to me (I scanned and emailed him a copy of the letter-thank you technology). I am leaning toward yes. what scares me??? I am not sure how long she will stay clean (she is pregnant again and says she is clean this time-I think she learned how much it can mess up a kid!) and I know what she is capable of when she isn't clean. I am afraid of what Liam will feel like WITH her contact through his life or what he will feel knowing I stopped him from contact. I think a PO Box in another town is the way to go....
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Well, you know this, but her letter is what she has to write to deal with her grief, the reality of her loss. Would it help to not think of it as really being TO you at all? Just something that she has to write as part of her own process and for some reason you get to see?
I think you're on the track. A common complaint from adult adoptees is that their parents either chose to give them up (or in your sons case, were incapable of parenting them at even the most base level.) The adoptive parents chose to adopt them. They had no choice in the matter.
The bond between mother and child is strong, even if the child is adopted at birth or was removed from a very negative unhealthy environment. It follows the same lines as children who always hope their divorced parents will get back together even if the environment was toxic.
I wish I had the answers to the right way to keep in contact, the right amount of contact. I dont. I only know that when a child is adopted a door slams shut and locks. In the long run, it is not in the best interest of the child if no one has the key.
A PO Box in another town sounds like a good idea unless maybe if Liam himself asks for or seems to want more!
Yeah I am all for family contact. I really am But I am a bit leery too. My sister gave up her child @ birth. I send that adoptive family pictures etc and they do the same for us. I think it is wonderful. But I know my intentions LOL
I think in the next town is a good idea. Though we are so small town that at times feels too close you know?
Now to compose a response to birth mom! I want to tell her how much we appreciate her (not for being a failure and us getting her son) but for giving him life... that make sense?
I want to let her know everything but not tell too much.
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