Well I got the letter from Liam's Bio mom. It was addressed to DH and I. It was her asking to have some sort of contact either with us and/or Liam. She would like to send gift etc as well. She thanked us for taking care of him. And said in her letter that she did try and always had the best intentions but it didn't work (just summarizing there) It now brings me to, do we get a PO box in another town and allow some sort of contact?
Confusion abounds!!
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My opinion is that it is better to have contact than to not have it. What happens if 3 years down the line, L asks if his birthmom ever tried to get a hold of him and you tell him, "Yes, but we refused." Until you are sure of things, I'd rec'd keeping it between the adults. She could include things for him, but you would vet it first.
The caveat is: If she abused him or allowed abuse, my answer would be more hesitant. Allowing an abuser contact with the abused child is not a good idea at all.
Set up some boundaries--letters, photos, once a month, holidays, phone calls? What will you allow and will you not allow? Remember it can always be adjusted, but it's easier to allow more in the future than to draw farther back. so you might start with 4 letters and one photo a year. You can always go for more.
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