sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget that our 6 year old came from a 'not so wonderful past'. Yet today he reminded me twice.
We were talking about a friend of his. The topic of Dads came up and he asked about his birthdad (for the first time in a long time if ever). He said he hoped to see him sometime soon. I explained to him that his birthdad was still making choices that were not safe. He asked what his birthdad was doing. Since he knows (in a general sense) about drugs and excessive drinking. I explained he was still fighting his problems with those. And he said "how long has he faught them? Since he was a kid?" I said yes pretty much. He said he has to get tougher so he can win finally LOL that was great logic for him. After that he didn't ask more though.

Then I made a late dinner tonight. He came to me and said "there is a weird thing going on in my tummy!" I asked what he said "it is making noises! I think I am hungry. I have never had that feeling here before" It made me sad to think about the fact he has EVER felt hungy anywhere before.

Can you at least be happy?

Bear's therapies are going well. Up to three in home appointments a week. This past week has been filled with some significant gains. I try to tell the parents and I get a shrug. They say he isn't old enough to be evaluated and that he is just slow at developing. I understand developing at a different rate. But there are some HUGE red flags. I want them to share in my joy about their son but I don't see it happening.

Successes and doubts

In a year and a half of fostering I had my FIRST child return home to a parent. The 5 y/o left today to return home. I am so happy for him and his dad. I will miss him a lot though.
Bear... oh sweet Bear. Yes he is still here. Bio mom had a BIG bump in the road. it has created more feelings of distaste for 'the system' for me. Bear is now finally getting the help I have insisted he needs. After his assesment, therapies are in place. three in home appointments A WEEK. Oh man. But I am hopeful it helps. He is already making strides. The parents seem disinterested in the therapies or his milestones. Insisting it is too early for there to be any actual delays. Having raised a few children through this age/stage there is something wrong I can tell you he needs the extra assistance. A concern has been expressed about his RU since he is so bonded and used to many siblings. But we all know that will not get us too far. Recomendations only go so far unfortunately. I just wish that after 15+ months we knew where things were going *insert big sigh here*

he is

a good enough kiddo. I will call him Cam. Well Cam is a cute kid. He is not overly affectionate and not too standoffish either. I got him to smile and laugh a few times. The poor guy really misses his dad. Dad made promises to the kiddo that he would be back hom by Friday. Seeing as how tomorrow is Friday and the shelter hearing isn't until Monday.....I forsee a meltdown. He has a visit with biomom toomorrow. The visit supervisor called me and she was genuinely concerned about how Cam was holding up and she let me know she would be here to pick him up tomorrow. I heard about how poor Cam used to be picked on and everything. Poor kiddo.
I am wondering if he will be bounced back next week or not. This was to be quite temporary but the more I hear... however the system does not cease to amaze me some times.

on another note I got the bios of a pair of girls who needed an adoptive placement. Wow so not a match for our family. It is hard though... to say no and never be sure what happens with them,

What is wrong with the system

A little boy is on his way here. He is 5 a little delayed but no problems (Time will tell if it is true ;) ) He has been in placement 4 times in the last year each time returned to his parents each time back in care. This time no different. When is enough enough?

I love that kid

We were in this horendous line the other day. I was chatting up the ladies in front of and behind me in line. Strange coinkydink our husbands are all in the same strike group and deployed togetherWeird how that happened. Anyway My 3 y/o made fast friends with the boy behind us (he was 4) in line. It was so cute they found some ants and the both got on the ground and looked at the ants chatting away like they had always known each other.
The other ladies commented on how the world we be such a better place if adults acted the way kids do when it comes to friendships.
We finally got out of there and DS and I were talking later and I asked if he had fun with his friend. He looked at me and said he had lots of fun with his BROTHER hahaha. Foster care has made it to where every boy is his brother now :) I think it is cute

For you mothers

No matter how you came about being a mother. If they are your birth, adopted, foster or fur babies...or heck even a signifigant other who acts like a child.... haha HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

to clarify

especially for those who like to be rude to further their agenda and website. NO I am not mentally unstable, a bit off as we all are, but not unstable. No I have not accidently breastfed a foster child nor would I ever. With a newborn and the late night feedings the half asleep mind does play tricks on you. That was the point of the post.

you know you are a foster parent when..

In the middle of the night in a half conscious state when you go to breastfeed your own daughter and you get a momentary panic thought of "OMG why am I breastfeeding my foster child" It is that sleep confusion...a double confusion hahah sleepy thinking I was sleepy trying to breastfeed a foster oy all too confusing

it only took a year (almost)

Well Bear is just one month shy of being here a year. Actually him and Liam both (they arrived w/in a couple of days of each other). Finally after months of half-assing through their case plan. Mom and dad of Bear seem to be pulling it together. Right before the state was set to file the TPR papers @ 12 months. BUT they ARE doing their services and he may go back with them. It will not be for another 6 months probably. And this is only IF they stay on track in getting their services completed. BUT the fact is that while I am happy for their family I am sad for ours.
A lot can happen in six months though. I am actually rooting for this family. I have been through most of it. With the occasional DO SOMETHING frustration. Getting 'down to' five chilren will be nice but as weird as it sounds it will be rather empty here.

Less than a year

It has been less than a year since our adoptive placement came to live with us. He knew little. Not his alphabet, counting to 10 was not something he could do, he couldn't spell his name etc. Here we are 10 months later......He can count until we tell him to stop he will count FOREVER if we let him haha. He knows his alphabet, he can spell and write his whole name and he is beginning to READ!!! You have no idea how proud of him I am!
He has started to expand his horizons when it comes to eating different foods. He eats a variety of fruits and veggies now. he knows that dinner doesn't come from the freezer and veggies don't come from only a can.
It is amazing the strides that a child can make in such a short time.

She's back

Well my sons birthmom is back in town. She was back East in jail. Got out, moved closer, which was still a bit close. Then I learned she moved again back into our area. A bit too close in some respects. I haven't had to deal with this through the whole process the bio dad was in jail popped into the picture for a total of one phone call to the adoption worker and dropped into the abyss again. The bio mom, well not much from her except the one letter and heck it was nice enough. What happens when she asks to see him? Or 'happens' to go by her fathers house (we allow him and our son to have visits). This kid is FINALLY gatting over, more finally coping with the trauma of losing his last foster adopt family.
I will sit back and wait to see what she does for now. I gauge my next step. She still has her daughter with her which is a positive. I may get to the point where I will meet her for coffee or soething one day. I have a positive relationship with my foster sons mother. I hope I can eventually have the same with her right? Eventually

RSV headache

apparently as soon as I dropped him off Bear started to get sick. Apparently he got fairly sick fairly quick and ultimately ended up with the diagnosis of RSV. So he was out of our home an extra week. The boy STILL sounds like death warmed over. ALL of the boys in the house got some upper respiratory thing last week. So I think it is simply 'going around'.
I am praying our newborn escapes getting it. I can hope the miracle of breastfeeding will shine through and she will get all the immunities she needs.

See you all soon

As I have been boring everyone with on Gina's Ramblings, our baby will be arriving very soon. As in tomorrow.
I got respite care for Bear set up early (I love how much she works with me on this!) So Ihave to pack his bag today. I packed DH's bag for his deployment last night. Yeah do the mental math there... even early he will miss the birth of his daughter. LeSigh

She's got Leeeeeegggsssss and

she knows how to sell them. You all have heard me chat about my friend Baggage and her adventures, misadventures? haha in foster care and adoption. Well she is running a contest on her site to promote BugLegs
You can check out my post about it on Gina's Ramblings

Oh Mav

The placement they found for him was a temporary placement on a trial basis. It didn't last the weekend before they called to have him removed. Dangit!!! It is so upsetting for me.
Mav's football coach, we know he was a co-worker of DH's. We got him and Mav back together, he is a great mentor. He may be staying there for awhile with his coach. But this whole thing has me ticked off. I hate that it feels like I failed him. And now it seems like it is the beginning for the 'follow the bouncing ball' bouncing of foster placements!
I am angry at the system, angry at family situations and family actions all around. How much of this could have been avoided LONG LONG ago had the first parent done things closer to right you know? The system fails these kids. Heck Mavs coach could have been involved from the DAY Mav was removed but no one returned his call!! We were the third placement he blew through his fourth placement in a couple of days.
I am glad we know these people and glad that we offered to stay in touch. We talked to the new possible placements as friends and were brutally honest. We encouraged them to read up on RAD. they know us our parenting styles and our children. So I hope they take it all seriously.

And we have

a phone call. they asked for US to drop him off at the office. I am thrilled. BUT he has a placement and will be there tonight.
It is a load off of my mind

Does anyone

do their job anymore?!!?!
I gave workers notice a month ago to have Mav moved. We were all clear on that understanding. The child has been expelled from school. He is home he is anxious, he KNOWS he is set to move and is OK with it. Sad because the boys here are his friends but OK with itbecause I did tell him that he s welcome to keep in touch at all times. But the dang workers on this one dropped the ball. There is no home set up. They asked yesterday for more time NO. I am due to have a husband deploy, company arrive and have a baby all within the next couple of weeks! I need the brief time to get stuff ready.
There was supposed to be a visit yesterday. No one showed up to pick him up. No phone call NOTHING. They all knew they were going to cancel they just didn't bother telling him nor I. This is all great for a kid who thinks all social workers are idiots as it is... They are not trying to disprove his theor are they?
So anyway. He is here, stuff packed and wondering if they "forgot about him again". If I could get a phone call returned I would be golden. Maybe I should show up to the office with him in tow?
UGH

I have been told

to just not care at this point. But I do. Part of my save the world stuff. Mav, who will be moved in 2 days was EXPELLED from school today. Not suspended expelled! I won't go into the details but it is very RADish and a reason we wanted him moved. I actually want to take partial blame because of us moving him etc. UGH I wish I could turn off the care.

Bear

I called Bears biomom today we chatted about his upcoming year check-up. I told her when and where it is so she can come if she wanted to. We talked a bit and she asked if I was expecting a baby soon. I told her yes the 18th. She was so happy and even happier when I told her Bear was staying here ;)
We chatted a bit about him and his birthday (tomorrow) and what I got him. I was able to find Yupik childrens books for him. She was in shock that A: they made them and B: I took the time to find them :) She said how happy she is that I am doing those things for him.....
She later asked if I was willing to be a permanant resource for him! She says she is still trying to get him back but if she doesn't she wants to know if we would keep him. Yeah chew on that one. Knocked me on my butt :)
She thanked me again for the picture and all. They love it.